Supremely Sweet

I just spent the better part of an hour beginning to craft a thoughtful, well-reasoned, articulate post on yesterday’s stunning Supreme Court decision to uphold the constitutionality of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. But I decided to scrap that and, instead, share my gut reactions and spare you the grievous long-windedness of which I’ve so often been guilty.

First of all, like most people, I think, I was shocked not only that the law wasn’t gutted by the reliably conservative-majority high court, but that John Roberts, the Bush-appointed chief justice, sided with the court’s four liberal justices. Sure, he labeled the individual mandate a “tax,” and sure, Mitt Romney and the Republicans will place that word front and center in their continuing efforts to repeal the law and defeat President Obama this fall. But make no mistake, affirming the constitutionality of the act is huge, and augers well for its continuing and complete implementation.

Second, the wildly improbable Roberts-led 5-4 decision led me to fancifully speculate on what might be next on a court suddenly so unpredictable. Might the pugnacious Justice Antonin Scalia abruptly resign to follow jam-band Phish on tour, announcing that he’d been only half-heartedly providing legal cover to religious zealots and rich people since Jerry Garcia died and the Grateful Dead disbanded? Would Justice Samuel Alito suddenly reverse himself on the right of private citizens to bear arms? Most shockingly, might Justice Clarence Thomas actually speak during oral arguments next term, if only to ask, “Um, could you repeat the question?”

Third, I pictured with glee the fury of the Right—from Republicans in Congress to commentators on Fox News—as they bitterly eyed the champagne that would not be uncorked, and stuffed the thundering speeches they’d prepared on the court’s “vindication” of the socialist “overreach” of “Obamacare.” (A term that always has struck me as being  the equal of “Democrat” Party in shrill, childish pettiness.)

Finally, once I’d cycled through the stages of amazement and Schadenfreude, I did consider what the high court’s ruling might ultimately mean for the millions of currently uninsured Americans who now have the promise of a medical safety net. This, of course, is what I’m most happy about today. But I’d have to say my mental images of guys like John Boehner, Mitch McConnell and the irrelevant but deafeningly loud blowhard Newt Gingrich losing their lunches yesterday still comes a shamefully but deliciously close second.